Are They Different....Really?

“Asperger’s syndrome has probably been an important and valuable characteristic of our species throughout evolution.” Tony Attwood.

The term "teenager" can scare any parent.  Imagine if your teenager also had a disability.  People think children on the Autism Spectrum Disorder are different, yet in reality, they are more alike than you can imagine.  Although children with Asperger's children suffer social skills deficits and struggle with sexuality and relationships with the opposite sex, they have similar feelings dealing with parents' divorcing and bullying issues. 

Asperger's syndrome is a developmental disorder that can cause repetitive rituals, obsessions, oddities of speech, such as talking in a monotone, shouting voice or taking figures of speech literally. Teens with Asperger's may have eccentric behavior and inappropriate facial expressions, trouble connecting with peers, and clumsy movements.  Autism affects about one in 5,000 Americans and is associated with normal intelligence for some on the higher end of the spectrum.  Boys are three to four times more likely to have Asperger's than girls.  The teenager with Asperger's lack social skills that affect their behaviors.

They tend to have a high interest in one particular area, such as video games, history, or dinosaurs that they talk about constantly appearing manipulative.  These teens will either avoid eye contact or stare at people, making them feel uncomfortable. They wear what is comfortable instead of style.  They cannot pick up on social cues, lacking the innate ability to read body language, engaging in conversation and turn taking.

Teenagers with Asperger's have several deficits areas in sexuality.  They tend not to be privy to the "street knowledge" of sex and dating behaviors due to increased immaturity.  Many cannot distinguish between good and bad touch; thereby putting them at risk to be sexually abused or to have sexual harassment charges placed on them.  Lack the subtle cues from the opposite sex related to dating and a lack of intimacy in relationships.

Both teenagers with Asperger's and those without can suffer a great deal when their parents' divorce.

All teens are going through difficult times, but adding divorce is tough.  Divorce can be especially difficult for boys if their father becomes the "absent" parent.  They feel that somehow it is their fault or that they can do something to make things back.  They may begin to have problems with grades and also feel like they have to choose between parents.  They usually do not like having "two" homes and will, at times, express anger at both parents.  At some point, they will go through a grieving process that is as common and diverse at the same time.

Disability or not, every teen is picked on or even worse, bullied.  This issue is growing in epidemic proportions in this country and teens are facing several dilemmas in how to deal with it.  Their school work suffers, and relationships cease.  They become withdrawn, and truancy issues are common.  They try to "fit in" but there will always be that one child, who because of their own insecurities', decides to bully other children, disability or not. Due to fear of embarrassment, teenager's relationships with family members decline.  When teenagers are bullied, it affects all areas of their lives and may lead to serious consequences if not dealt with appropriately. We have seen this phenomenon in recent years in America’s high schools and colleges.

Having a teenager in the house can be demanding and challenging.  However, adding a disability does not always mean the situations that all teens face are any different.  Although marked differences are apparent, teens on the Autism Spectrum Disorder face the very same issues at those without.

"Autism (with a capital "A") to me, say that I accept my child wholly.  I celebrate his differences and his quirkiness.  I advocate diversity. I try to empower him.  I am proud of his successes, no matter how small they seem.  I hope he holds compassion he has in his heart into adulthood.  I do not think he needs "fixing”. I am proud that he is my son, and sometimes I am humbled by that very same thought." Mommy-dearest at The Quirk Factor: Resistance is Futile

Can’t we, as parents use this quote in some way to relate to our teens and see that they are more alike than they even know?

Regards, 
~ Holley Jacobs