What If

What If? 

I love this quote so much and it touched my heart so deeply, I cried when I first read it. It did not come from any site related to Autism. I simply saw it online and it beckoned me by saying - "What If?" - "What If?" - over and over again.

The story started last Saturday early in the morning around 3 or 4 am. I had been sick all week, went to the doctor and received medicine but it was not helping. I was taking Albuterol nebulizer treatments, cough, and cold medicine, and Tylenol, but I was still severely ill. Tony had gone to a friend's house, so it was just Jacob and me in the house.

I was sleeping in the bed, propped into a sitting position so I could breathe a little better, but was woken abruptly when I could no longer breathe. My lungs felt like they had collapsed and my body hurt all over so badly.

I could not catch my breath, but for briefs seconds at a time. It was then, I would take the deepest breath I could to deal with the times when I could not breathe. Jacob's room and my room are at opposite ends of the hallway. I had no way to call out to him. I could barely whisper much less yell for help.