Chapter Four of AsperTools is an interesting chapter about meltdowns. As a mother of a child that used to have meltdowns so often and significant that I could not take Jacob out in public. People would stare and make comments either about his "behavior" and my "parenting skills". It was, quite frankly, easier to stay at home. Over the years of learning about Autism/Asperger's, I have concluded how to work with them and my son, rather than avoid everyone else on earth. I got to a point where I didn't care anymore if people stared at me; it was not going to affect my daily life nor the life of my child. He has every right to go on field trips and vacations as any other child.
Now that Jacob is 18 and about to graduate from high school, meltdowns are less frequent but are just as severe. The good news is that Jacob is able to express his side of meltdowns. I have always been observant of his meltdown symptoms but they have changed over time. This is one area that chapter four doesn't mention.
The main gist is that "an ounce of prevention is truly worth a ton of cure". **Source
#Autism #Aspergers #self-soothing of #meltdowns need to be taught to youth who experience them."
The author and his daughter are absolutely delightful in their remembrance of events such as meltdowns. The chapter shows the human side of the parent whose first respond is to get angry and yell (have to admit guilty here too). Unfortunately, that is not the way meltdowns work. They are a part of my son, not a temper tantrum that needs the kind of discipline that people in public will state he needs. Instead, I had to learn not only to be very observant of Jacobs' signs but also aware of my own responses. Once a meltdown starts, it is near impossible to stop it. From that point on, you are just along for the ride. I learned that the hard way too.
I recently had a man share a video on our Overcoming Autism Facebook Page that brought me to tears. I am sharing it here and decided to write about meltdowns because of this video. I wish this mom all the best. You can obviously tell that she loves her child deeply and is doing what any parent would do for their child - WHATEVER IT TAKES
This video is absolutely breath-taking for me.
This video is absolutely breath-taking for me.
When I asked the man who shared this first video for permission to put it on our blog, he said, of course, and gave me a link so that we all can continue to watch this amazing mom and child learning to accept Autism and deal with problems in the same fashion as any other parent. Please visit her "30 day video diary of sorts".
For me, parenting a child who has a diagnosis of Autism is just part of my life. He is my only child, therefore, just as Autism is all he knows, it is all I know in regards to parenting. Don't misunderstand, there are plenty of habits, behaviors, and ordinary times in our life. He is, after all, a teenage boy. He is not just a kid with Autism. Now, I have to decipher whether he is melting down or just being a teenager.
It is not that difficult once you become observant of your child. Any other parent does the same thing. They watch for signs when their child is sleepy, hungry, or having a temper tantrum. We, as parents of children with Autism, go through all of those times as well. We are just blessed with additional duties that God knew that we could handle. Therefore, meltdowns become a part of our lives.
I did enjoy the way that the father talks about how, now as an adult, the daughter has learned how to self-soothe. He states this as part of the action plan that is included at the end of each chapter.
"If she feels her anxiety rising and a meltdown approaching, she will know what to do next. She will find her safe place, take an action that begins to reduce her anxiety (such as pacing back and forth), think of what made her anxiety levels rise, and then engage in an interest (such as drawing) to help her forget about her anxiety." **Source
The chapters are great because they can be read out of order (which I am doing) and they are short enough that you can easily read them while waiting in the doctor's office. The added bonus comes when the action plan is introduced and/or the daughter, Rebecca and her mentor, colleague, a fellow teacher and tutor, Pati introduce the way they view the topics.
I decided to ask Jacob a few questions about this chapter to get his perspective on meltdowns.
- When you (Jacob) start to have meltdowns, what does it feel like? - He then rebutted with "physically or emotionally? To which I replied everything that fits who you are. So his answer was that physically his legs start to shake, he gets headaches near his right temple, feels slightly like he is hyperventilating, and he gets ringing in his ears. Emotionally, his feelings differ depending on what caused the meltdown (which is something new I learned about him) however; broadly speaking, he feels anger, frustration, betrayal, irrational thinking, and feelings of being caged in.
- What do you do to self-soothe and prevent or reduce the happenings of meltdowns? Jacob stated that he uses deep breathing, walking away from the situation, and tries to think logically about the situation. He prefers to be in a comfortable or familiar situation both in his mind and his location. Particulars he mentioned are: "taking a walk, being in a room, at times being alone, looks for peace, calmness, quietness, and uses music" as well.
- Finally, I asked Jacob if he could give another person with Autism some advice about how he learned to self-soothe, his response was three-fold. He said that he asked adults that he is comfortable with for advice and strategies to try, asks other people he knows that have Autism what kind of self-soothing they use, and finally, he looks online, in books, and in magazines.
Jacobs' final thoughts about self-soothing are poignant to me. He says if you see someone who is self-soothing -
If someone with #Autism is #self-soothing "Leave Them Alone! Let Them Finish! They Will Come To You If Need Be!" per my son, #Jacob
This is something I did not know about my son. So, again, reading and collaborating on this blog with my son, Jacob, is eye-opening for me, him, and is building our bond, even more, each time we get together to discuss Autism Acceptance.
As always, comments, thoughts, experiences, and questions are encouraged.
Regards,
~Holley Jacobs
